If there's one thing I can't stand its observers. Those people who don't 'hate' you but don't support you either. They just sort of observe and then jump on the bandwagon if you become successful or smugly smile if you are unsuccessful at something.
I don't make any money from my business at the moment (this isn't blogging or YouTube this is another venture I'm working on) which is okay as I have only been doing it for a year. No one knows about my business, I don't know why I haven't told anyone I personally know (except family), but I feel like it all boils down to the fear of failing. I don't want to let people know that I am self-employed and I have a business and I want it to go and work for me and then one day have to go out and get a job and then them knowing that the dream of this business venture failed.
I guess it's not fear of failure in a way, it's fear of people knowing I failed.
If I can do it all hush hush and it fails but no one knows it would be fine or at the opposite end of the stick if I do it all hush hush and it takes off and everyone knows it would be fine too. I just don't want the humiliation of something failing for me... which most things usually do.
I find that certain people (especially where I live) have this smug thing about them when something fails for someone else. If something doesn't work out for someone, if you can't quite afford something or if you're struggling with a certain part of your life they seem to bask in smugness at you. The smiles are from ear to ear, and the whispers are going around that it didn't work out for you. It's a really sad way to live. The reason people do this (in my opinion) is that when they see things not working for you or they see your life as being worse than theirs, it makes them feel better about their own lives. I feel if people would just get off their high horse and help each other (if you can, blind can't lead the blind) then the world would be a much better place and I feel that people's happiness and success rate for anything would be higher than it's ever been.
I don't know where I'm going with this but I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't want to let you guys as readers or viewers down, I don't want to let my family down; but most importantly I don't want to let myself down. I don't want to look back in 20 years and say
"Remember that business I had! What was it called again? ..."
I don't want to let myself down, but I also don't want to make promises I can't keep. Things are getting harder and harder as each week goes by for me, and I cannot promise that I will always be here because I need money, hence why I have 2 different businesses. I don't want to sound materialistic when I say that... for goodness sake I live on a council estate near Birmingham (if you're from the UK you get the picture) the last thing that I am is materialistic, but I do want to progress in life and the only way I'm going to be able to do that is to have an income. I'm not moaning when I say this, sometimes things just don't work out for some people, but I'm trying my best in all areas. If these business venture's don't work then I will have to go out and get a 'normal' (<- I hate using that word) job to pay the bills which means I may no longer have time for the blog ... or just not as much. I will never completely leave.
I don't really know how to explain the feeling, I guess that's why I haven't told anyone about the business', you just never know where things will lead and I don't want to be seen as a failure. Have you guys ever felt like that?
Comments
Post a Comment