Today I turn 21 years old. Yes, 2 whole decades and +1 years I have been spent on this planet called Earth (at least I think I have ... sometimes I swear I was born on Mercury or some shiz.)
Let me be honest with this post, I don't want anyone to think I'm being an attention seeker or ungrateful when I say these things but I don't want to be the person who's spoon feeding lies to my readers. It's crap! There I said it life at 21 is crap!
I am an Architect Personality - INTJ to be exact (if you don't know what that is its part of the Myer-Briggs personality's- I've got a blog post in draft about this at the moment) It's part of my nature to think about, plan and build everything around me... logically. Everything I do is based on logic, everything I plan is based on logic, and when I say everything ... I mean EVERYTHING!
This does not help me because at 21 years old, I planned for everything to be done by now, I planned to be 'settled' (<- I use that word loosely) in my own life right now, I planned to have everything worked out and setting train in motion (or whatever the saying is) by now. But I don't.
I don't have everything planned out. I have plans but they haven't worked or still in progress. I'm in no different position to when I was 17 or 18 or 19, literally, the only thing that has changed is my age (and my double chin). This makes me feel like such a failure. I've failed my past self who promised that she would work her butt off to have things sorted by 21. I failed myself, I lied to myself but worst of all I deluded myself into believing that all of this was possible.
My life is so far away from where I wanted it to be at 21, and I'm not happy.
Man, I don't even know where I'm going with this but I guess I wanted to document it so if anyone out there is turning 21 and you feel the same as me then you know you're not alone and that I'm going/been through it as well.
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| Me (21 Years Old) ... that double chin tho! |
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